Cry of the Fox, Chapter 1: The Stone of Life Options

[Sander]

INTRODUCTION
I have been working long and hard on this project, it has turned from something that I played around with at the
age of 12 to what it is now. It has had many titles and many different plots with few similarities. The setting is the world
Averta in many essence not so different of medieval earth, I call myself a history fanatic and if you read through the lines of the plot you will discover that this strange planet is not so strange and different afterall. My main inspiration for this plot
can be found in many places, mainly old legends like Robin Hood and King Arthur but also Norish, Roman, Egyptian and
Greek myths. I have had commentary of revealing too much in this topic, ruining much of the exitement. I can safely say
few is actually revealed within this topic. Backgrounds and settings are given and you might get a good idea of where the
plot is going but the real essence of the plot is safely kept hidden. I promise to do my very best to give you a plot
that will excite you and entertain you.
SCREENSHOTS
Well that's what you are here for right? You probably won't read the rest if these don't please you.

Spoiler:

Dwane's sprite has been changed to fit the faceart more

STORYLINE

Spoiler:

Alfred Martilles, an old scholar is found dead in the church of Lady Valetia in Askarin, a port town in the realm of Topas. The Guard has seen it's deals of murders and crimes and dismisses the murder on Alfred as unimportant. Little do
they all know that this death will start a chain of events leading to the fight for their homeworld: Averta.

RACES
Avertian

Spoiler:

Long since extinct, they were the first race to walk the earth. Avertians were rather small and heavy built.
Most Avertians were hunters, to help with the hunting they had long nails and sharp teeth. Avertians
lived in and with nature, they understood nature as no other being did. They spoke a primitive
language which had elements similar to the Old Language.

At first you had the Primitive Avertian, who lived on his own and hunted for himself and his family. Certain Avertians however settled themselves in tribes and began exploiting the other Avertians using them as slaves. The Modern Avertians builded cities and used primitive Avertians as servants.

Gods

Spoiler:

A group of slaves were working in the mountain of Tikandus as miners. Their leaders wanted the juwels hidden inside the mountain. However a beautiful ruby was found and as no slavemaster was around they carefully hid it and brought it to their tribe. The ruby was the stone of Lorgrim, the stone of life.Based on a myth that was even ancient at that time the stone would give it's user immortality and later immense power. They wielded this power to take revenge on their masters. But the longer they kept the stone the lesser tied to the world they became and eventually they started to mess with the faith of the Avertians.The Illuminus Clan became so powerful they are worshipped over Averta.

Humans

Spoiler:

Humans are the evolved Avertians, larger then they were and also skinnier. Their connection to nature faded as the history passed by and they used more technology. At a certain point humans even started destroying the nature around them to increase the area they can build in. Humans spoke in the Old Language but addpated into the New Language soon.

Dwarves

Spoiler:

Another result of the evolution of Avertians, they were the once slaves of the Modern Avertians they didn't adapt their size and stayed small and bulky. However Dwarves do have great intelligence and strength. Dwarves are still known to be great miners and blacksmiths. They are one of the few races not accepting the Illuminus Religion but instead they believe in the history of the Elder Dragon. Dwarves have a great amount of pride, they are easily insulted and start wars. Even though a dwarf can easily gain an age of 150 but due to the many battles they are in few actually reach the age.Dwarves are by far the race that has the least respect for nature.

Krandar

Spoiler:

Krandar are a race of humanoid waterpeople, they have a blue skin and gills. However they can walk upon the earth they prefer the water. Krandar have a very great intelligence they do not have a language as they communicate telepathically. Krandar have the ability to teleport, they can dissapear at one place at appear on the other. Krandar are a peaceful folk and they and the other races have a treaty of live and let live.

Harpies

Spoiler:

Harpies are a race that only live in the forests of Darmor. They are violent and cruel, they speak the Old Language only, their sole reason on the earth is to feed themselves with the flesh of humans. They are said to abduct babies from their wagons to eat them. Harpies are humanfaced creatures they have the body of an eagle and the Gods cursed them to be forever hungry when one of them flew to the island of the Gods and stole from their banquet.

Lymar

Spoiler:

They are said to be an experiment of the Gods. A first and ultimate try at creating life from the primitive Avertians. Lymar are also disrespectfully called Flaremen. They have the ability to set their body on fire. They have a red skin and yellow eyes. Most of the time they also have black hair. Lymar are a bit larger then humans and also more buff.

Magus

Spoiler:

The influence of the Gods reached Averta, their over use of their powers created childs with similar powers. They were daughters and sons of humans born with an unatural haircolour. They have the ability to use the same magic as the Gods use and are therefor hunted by the humans.

Elfs

Spoiler:

Humans and Dwarves destroyed nature, they were decadent in their treedestroying and so the trees evolved. Elves have a wooden skin and gras , moss and leaves for hair. Certain elves are more violent then others but most choose a peaceful live in harmony with nature, at the end of their life they turn into a tree;

Goblin

Spoiler:

A group of Dwarves were once locked inside a tunnel they were digging and they were able to survive living of small rodents and bugs inside the tunnel. When they died their childeren continued the work of digging themselves out and thei childeren did until generation after generation they got so used to living in the dark and tunnels they didn't need to dig themselves out. They became goblins, dimwitted, ugly skinned violent creatures, they can bear the sight of the sun.

WORLD

The story of Cry of the Fox is set in the world of Averta.

Spoiler:

The Duchy of Topas

Spoiler:

Topas is the juwel of the seas. Topas is ruled by Duke Ector aided by a group of scholars called The Seat of Topas. The Seat makes the most decisions but the Duke keeps the right of Veto. Topas excist out of many rivers and grassfields. It has few mountains, only the small Howling Hills and a part of Ramas mountains. However the rivers are vast in numbers. Topas' capital is Partino, housing the Academy of Scholars and Castle de Loas. Militarily Topas has 3 important parts, every region has their own Guard, their is a general Army led by the Duke and a religious Army nicknamed The Protectors of Illuminus, led by the High Priest. The Religious army has as only task finding mages still hiding in the land of Topas, as Topas has a zerotolerance for any non-human races.

Theocracy of Demenor

Spoiler:

Before the war this was a part of Topas, but since the methods of the previous Duke has insulted the Demenorian's religious feelings they demanded autononmy. Decisions are made by the High Priests of Demenor and the Cardinal. The Cardinal is also the leader of Demenor his name is Ortores Varey. Demenor is a small island surrounded by ice. The Capital is Aretas.

Principality of Pharion

Spoiler:

Led by Prince Dominique, a true Despot he rules alone and only takes advice from a small group of advisors who's task excist's primarily out of nodding in agreement. Pharion has been known for it's long struggle between humans and elves, the elves do not accept Dominique as their leader and have been rebelling against him and his forfathers for many ages.
Their are fewer humans in Pharion then their are elves, this is due to the large amounts of jungles. Only small bits of Pharion have human cities. The elves do not form a large threat for Dominique as they cannot unite under a single banner.

Empire of Ryo

Spoiler:

Ryo is a large area excisting out of mainly desert. Long ago Ryo excisted out of 5 Barronies until one barrony started conquering the others. The emperor of Ryo is a Lymar, a creature able to create fires on his body. Jast IV is very popular among humans and lymar alike he is a peaceful and has brought prosperity in the desertstate. The Captital of Ryo is the city of Resteria lying in the Stear Delta. Ryo is ruled by a group of democratically elected Senators led by the VOP, the Voice of the People, as tradition goes to compensate the Lymar's having an emperor the VOP is a human.
Ryo has two armies, the Lymar and the Human army, they cannot work together at all and each sort their own problems out. During war time they have no ther choice but working together.

Kingdom of Darmor

Spoiler:

Darmor is a country lying the shadow. Due to it's location it gets few sunlight and is therefor known as The Dark Land.
It is cold in Darmor and the people have pale skin and strange eyes, they nickname them the Shadowpeople. It is ruled by a mighty king, the 70 year old Ernit Altari. However for the last few months Ernit has been unable to rule the country and it is know ruled by his son and crownprince Lucius. Lucius is less popular then his father and the people have protested against him. Darmor is a barren wasteland excisting out of fews towns, the most important one being the capital of Dustravit, a significant landmark is the Tikandus Mountain, the highest top of Averta. Darmor is known to be the only country where Mages are not looked at oddly, and are well respected members of society. The kingdom's decisions are made by a parliament, however they cannot make any decision peaceful and end up bashing eachother's skull in.
Darmor's greatest force is The Black Eye, an extremely dangerous and cruel policeforce keeping an "eye" on the people of this Kingdom.

CHAPTER 1 CHARACTERS
Major Characters

Jax
Age: around 25
Jax is a mystery on itself, his mother left him in the slums during the war, after which the Adriac family started to take
care for him. Jax tries to survive the poverty in Askarin by stealing which gives him a bit of trouble with the Guard.
Facesets:

Spoiler:

Dwane Adriac
Age: 28
Dwane Adriac is the son of Veronica and Jacob. Jacob died when Dwane was 8 and so he was raised
by his mother and her father Alfred. Kela is his sister, he feels great responsibilty for her and Jax is
like a brother to him. They were partners in crime but now Dwane has realized his family needs him
to be responsible.
Faceset:

Spoiler:

Kela Adriac
Age: 19
Born after the war from Veronica and Jacob. Jacob was already dead when Kela was born so they never met.
Jax and Kela don't get along so much, Jax is too much of a trouble for Kela. Kela and Dwane however are great
friends and they care for eachother greatly.
Conceptart:

Spoiler:

Lukas Xaver
Age: 51
Lukas Xaver is the Marshal of the Askarin Guard. He is an old war veteran who missed out on the battle for Askarin
due to an eye injury scarring his left eye. This made him in the eyes of the other soldiers not worthy of the title veteran as he didn't fight in any massive battles. As Marshal of Askarin's Guard he leads the red armored soldiers to keep the city in his grip. Lukas Xaver is a man with a lot of frustrations, most notably the inability to catch Fox. He has become a bittered man and easily irritated.
Conceptart:

Spoiler:

Louis Carpenter
Age: 43
Goes by the name of Louis the Magnificent, one of the greatest bards in the land of Topas. But not prized by the Duke for his honesty. However Louis once studied at the Academy in Partino and together with Alfred Martilles, a teacher of his they shared an obsession over the Stone of Life. Recently an Oracle has predicted it's location to be in Askarin and he plans to find the stone and hide the stone before evil comes from it.Sprite WIP
Faceset

Spoiler:

Ector de Loas
Age: 68
Duke of Topas since his brother's death after the war. He looked for peace with the surrounding areas again but kept his brother's ideas of human superiority. Ector craves just like his brother the Stone of Life and has imprisoned two oracles in his dungeon hoping they'dd help with finding the stone's location and helping forsee the unexpected.
Conceptart:

Spoiler:

Fox
Age: ???
Appeared around 3 years ago, calls himself the Guardian of the Weak. He steals from, and sabotages the rich. His acts however bring the Slumpeople in big trouble as they are often targetted by the Guard who are almost certain Fox is a slumperson too. The Guard has put a price on the Fox's head and many of the slumpeople now want to stop
the Fox hoping to claim the more than generous reward.
Conceptart:

Spoiler:

Minor Characters
Alfred Martilles
Age: 73
Alfred was once a skilled scholar in service of the Duke,however his controversial ideas placed him in discredit.
Alfred had to trade his rich life for a poorer. He cared for Veronica and her family long after the death of her husband.
However Alfred was a obsessed with an ancient legend, a fool's errand. Most people believed this legend to be complete fantasy. However while researching the legend Alfred got killed.

Veronica Martilles
Age: 56
Widow of Jacob, she has taken the responsibility of Kela and Dwane and also for Jax. She still misses Jacob and
would be unable to find a new husband. The only thing keeping her alive is her childeren.

Jacob Adriac
Age: 34 at the time of death
Father of Dwane and Kela, Jacob was a soldier during the war, however in reality he didn't choose to be. But as a member of the Hunter's Guild he was forced to join. He fought on the Ryan border for the majority of the war but as the enemy's attacks stayed out he was to fight for his hometown Askarin. However en route to Askarin he was killed during an ambush.

Aragne Argaes
Age: 75
The Oracle of Averas, she has informed Duke Azemar of the stone's existence. She has done several predictions as well, including the terible vision that led to the Duke's belief that all non-human races are inferior and are not welcome by the Gods, this vision led into the war.
After the war Duke Ector enlisted the aid of the Oracle, but she refused co-operation, since that moment she is locked in the dugeons of the Duke's Castle.

Orelia Argaes
Age: 43
Born from Aragne and an unknown father, she too has the vision and can see the future past and present. She was imprisioned together with her mother. She has a very strong connection with the Stone of Life and therefor could predict it's location very accurately. However as the visions in her mind turned vivid she was unable to control herself and blurted the location out for everyone, including the Duke to know.
GAMEPLAY

Traits

Spoiler:

Traits are probably the biggest addition to the gameplay. A character can have up to 4
different traits influencing both in and outside battle happenings. Here's a limited list on traits:

-Nimble: Increased Evasion Rate
-Conservation: Cut's skillpoint cost in half.
-Quick Fingers: Increases Item Drop Rate, Enables Stealing in Shops.
-Hunter: Enables to enter Hunting Area.

There several ways to gain Traits:
-Trait Cards:
Certain Items when used upon a character will enable that user to equip the Trait. These items are mostly found on maps in treasure chests or can be rewards for defeating a boss.
-Equipment:
Certain Equipment also give the user a Trait. This Trait is only available when the weapon or piece of equipment is equiped. The moment it is unequiped, the trait dissapears.
-Level up:
Traits can also be simply learned by levelling up.
-Events:
During the game's progression you will have the chance to learn new traits.
-Trait Shops:
In bigger cities you will be able to buy traits from a vender and learn them to your characters.

Crafting and Gathering

Spoiler:

During your adventures in the world of Averta you will be able to go around the world and gather
resources. From picking strawberries from a field to mining ore from rocks. These resources can be turned
into food, potions, weapons, equipment, ...
At this very moment the database is already filled with several resources and it will grow while the game progresses.

Individual Ways of Battle

Spoiler:

Battles will be very varied and unique due to the fact that every character will have his unique skillset which is totally different then that of others. As an example here is a description of the battle strategies used by the three maincharacters of Chapter 1:

Jax
Jax has two sets of skills. Stealth skills and battle skills. While in stealthmode, his attack is lowered but his evasion is higher. While in stealthmode, he has the ability to steal certain items from foes. While in battlemode he has a variety of skills causing damage to the enemy.Jax can be hit out of stealthmode by damage.

Dwane
Dwane uses his crossbow to sharpshoot, meaning he can aim at certain body parts, the head, legs, arms, .. each of these parts will inflict a certain amount of damage as well as a negative status effect. Dwane is great for causing a great amount of damage, though his attacks are mostly slow.

Kela
Kela is an archer too, though she uses skills with multiple arrows, her attacks are fast and swift but cause little damage. Therefor she is the opposite of Dwane.

CREDITS AND TEAM
Team
Writers:
Sander
-phi-

Spriters:
Lunara
Sevith

Musician:
RoelfMik

Artists:
Gyrowolf
-vacant-

Databasers:
Sander
Oscarvarium

Eventers:
Sander
Prof. Meow Meow

Scripter:
OriginalWij

Mappers:
Sander
Ryan A
Ookie Panda

Other Credits: (this is a really basic list, I shall add a detailed list in the projectfolder itself)
Note I have a lot of people to credit, don't flame me if I forgot someone, just send me a PM and I'll add that person.
Famitsu Generator
KGC/Mr. Anonymous: Various Scripts
Yanfly: Various Scripts
Mithran: Various Scripts
Title Screen/Duke Ector Sprite: Blake Ezra
Logo: Hanzo Kimura
Windowskin: Aindra
Sprite Recolours:Enelvon/Tatanya
Flag design: Kalez
-I realize the list is incomplete, I will however try and get this list completed as soon as possible-

DEVELOPMENT BLOG
development blog .

Recruitment Info
At this moment recruitment is closed, I do not take new applications.

SHOW YOUR SUPPORT
if you support this project, add this to your signature:

CODE

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This post has been edited by Sander: Jan 31 2010, 11:06 AM

[Shurite]

I really like your storyline so far, even though Toren's secret identity "The Fox" vividly reminds me of The Grey Fox from Oblivion.

I'd probably say this thread would be better off in the writer's workshop because It seems you still have quite a bit of storyline and characters to get through.

But anyway, I like it so far and I hope to see some of the game in the near future. Good luck!

[Sander]

to be honest I never even played Oblivion thanks for the nice comments.

[SilentBackstabbe...]

This thread belongs to the Writer's Workshop as suggested by Shurite. You (Sanderf90) are currently focusing on the story aspect of your project, you will get better feedback in the Writer's Workshop. Moreover, if you want to open a Project Thread please read the sticky rules first.

Moved!

SBS

[Sander]

Okay thank you for moving it.

[Sander]

Okay I have updated the first post with more information concerning Demenor and the civil war.

[Sander]

I hate triple posts, anyway just to inform that I just added a whole new chapter on the Cleansing of Topas.
C & C please.

[BlueMoonAssassin]

Wow...
There is so much history here.
I believe you could write a book with this.
I wish I could write like this.
You have my A seal of aproval.
Can't wait for more.
The only problem I see is that I don't know what direction your going in after the Fox or Toren is set free as you said.

[Sander]

Thank you, Toren will first have to flee because it isn't save for him around Askarin. He will escape together with alchemist who will escort him to Demenor where both of them are save.His father will revolt against the Guard and will be brought before The Seat and sentenced to execusion, Toren will try to set him free with the help of Demenorians. Topas will see this as an act of war...

[Solistra]

You have a nice start here. The history is generally well thought out, which is something that I can't say to very many people. You have some good characters in this story, and they all seem for the most part believable. The problem with what you've presented so far is that it's almost entirely background. Getting this amount of background information into any kind of project can be difficult, especially if you want it to feel natural. Also, it seems like you've given some great thought to the politics of these realms, which makes me wonder: will politics play a significant role in this story? If so, you need to think through things even more thoroughly than you currently have. Build up the characters of the various politicians. You will want these conflicts to seem natural, which means that they can easily be seen from two points of view rather than your standard "good versus evil." It seems like you've done a good job of this so far, but I cannot stress enough how important this aspect can be when attempting to present a project that goes against the common grain. Also, if I were you, I'd want to flesh out the cultures of each of these realms more than has been presented. Each one should be (in my opinion) distinct, yet not following the commonly regarded ideals of these cultures (elves and dwarves are widely stereotyped).

And I'm sorry, but I have to comment on the title. You haven't mentioned anywhere (to my knowledge) that this is a working title, which means I have to say this: it's not a great title. It almost reeks of amateur. Your story is by far more interesting than what the title seems to convey to the average reader (or player). If I were you, I would reconsider the title in light of the rest of the story. Seeing as you haven't presented much in terms of what the actual story will be (most of what you've shown us here is background), I can't do much to recommend any titles for you. All I can do is tell you that this is one of the things that sticks out to me. Another thing that sticks out is the fact that you seem to have an ability for crafting this world, but you fall short when presenting it.

So, you may want to know "how so?" Honestly, and this may just be my opinion, but it needs to be presented in a more professional fashion. Your story so far is riddled with grammar and spelling errors, which wouldn't be so terrible if you weren't trying to present something with this much thought put into it.

But in any case, that's about all of the input that I have for you so far. Perhaps with more revealed in terms of the story I can offer you more. I have to say, even though this may have sounded overly critical, I really do like what you have done so far. The reason that I'm nit-picking it a bit is because I believe it has more potential than most stories that I've seen in these types of communities. When I see something that I think has an opportunity to be great, I try to provide more critical input to the author.

So, with all that said, good luck with this. I'll keep checking on this topic to see if you've updated it.

[Sander]

Toren's Tale is indeed a working title, I have thought of some names including:

*The Averta Chronicles (averta is the world where it takes place)
*Everlasting Paradise (politicians in the world of Topas are trying to turn Topas in an Everlasitng Paradise)

I know my english isn't that great at least not when writing long pieces of text, I could recruit a proofreader to check my topics on forehand.

EDIT: I settled for the title The Cry of the Fox.

This post has been edited by sanderf90: Jul 7 2008, 04:21 PM

[Solistra]

The Cry of the Fox isn't a bad title by any means, though I have to say that I like the irony of Everlasting Paradise. Also, I'd be more than happy to proof anything that you want read (something I'm good at). You should be able to send me an e-mail, or at least a PM. I think this story sounds good so far, and I'd be glad to help in any way.

[Sander]

just to inform you that an extra chapter on the character of Kela is added.

[Solistra]

just to inform you that an extra chapter on the character of Kela is added.

Good to know. Also, just to let you know, I haven't been able to find the time to do much of anything on my own project let alone proof what you have here, but hopefully I'll have it done sometime this week.

[Sander]

Take your time and don't worry about it, sadly for you I will keep updating this topic though but proof it in parts if you want.

btw: UPDATE: New chapter on Agra (sorry Sol )

[Sander]

Sorry for the doubleposting, just to inform that any new information concerning the game will first be updated on my development blog.

[stoney153]

sounds good, ive been reading through your blogspot...although it sounds great how many people actually visit blogspots? do you get many people visiting yours? I would start a blog...but I think im better off using this forum as a blog spot (updating a post on the 'Gameproduction' section...It just seems you get more publicity that way...)....

anyway nice game im going to be watching this one

[Sander]

Well the Gamedev-blog is mostly for the people really interested in my game. People who want more info then the occasional update. The people who are for example interested in joining my game my have trouble basing their choice on one piece of text and want to know how I actually see the game, which is unclear in this topic.

[stoney153]

ah ok, I just diddnt understand why people used them (id rather there was a blog on this forum actually...(like on your personel profile or something...nvm....) anyway I can understand why people would use blogs, more info and if they are desperate for the game anyway like I said...Ill be watching this game...

How much % are you through the game now?

[Sander]

Hard to say percentages, since I'm working in chapters but chapter 1 is like this (please note that chapter 1 is completely cutscene so more events, dialogue work then scripting and database).

CHAPTER 1: EVERLASTING PARADISE
Storyline
Storyline for Chapter 1: 100%
Storyline total 60%

Dialogue Chapter 1: 70%

TOTAL (chapter 1): 85%

Mapping out:
Partino Castle Interior: 100%
Church of Aretas Interior 75%
Aretas exterior 0%
Askarin Interior 100%
Askarin Exterior 100%
TOTAL: 75%

Events
Partino Castle Events 100%
Church of Aretas Events 20%
Askarin Events (without cutscenes) 100%
Askarin Events (cutscenes) 20%
TOTAL 60%

Scripting
Battlesystem 100%
Advanced Message System 100%
TOTAL 100%

Spriting
Main Characters Sprite 0%
NPC Sprites 10%
TOTAL 5%

Art
Facesets: 10% (10% is the rtp only)
Titlescreen 100%
Game Over 0%
TOTAL 36,5%

Music
planned music is being made by composer, unknown progress
TOTAL 0%

Database
Chapter 1 is cutscene so, no database progress
for total game:
Actors: 100%
Classes: 75%
Skills 40%
Items 40%
Weapons 40%
Armours 40%
Enemies 0%
Troops 0%
States 60%
TOTAL 43%


GRAND TOTAL for Chapter 1: (not including database)
39,5%

This is however very relative, things can stil happen or change, I don't really like the percentage idea.

This post has been edited by sanderf90: Jul 26 2008, 09:36 AM