I'm staying a bit vague for the sake of keeping the story hidden. I will however reveal more later on. If you are impatient check out my blog Major: Jax "I try to be honest most of the time. Too bad I'm not very persistant."
Around 25 years Jax can only be described as one way, as Jax.That's who he is and no one or nothing will change that. He sets his own rules and values and doesn't care if it's against the law or not. You are with him or you are against him. Jax never had many friends and the ones he does have are his most precious possession. He would do anything for them even put his life on the line.
Dwane Adriac "Don't think of me as stupid or I'll think of you as target practice."
28 years Although he might seem young, Dwane's life has been eventful and he had to grow up way too soon. He took over his father's role in the family after his death. He, his mother, his grandfather, his sister Kela and Jax, an orphan found by his mother, live together in the slums of Askarin. Although Dwane and Jax both care for their friends, Dwane would rather stay out of trouble.
Kela Adriac "Are you really trying to hurt the girl that survived growing up with Jax and Dwane? Aren't you silly."
19 years This girl has only one dream, to become happy. Her life has been one big mess andher family has done everything to protect her, but she wants to choose her own path. Kela might seem weak and fragile but don't be fooled by her looks, Kela Adriac is one sharp shooter.
Louis Carpenter "Arrogance? Nah, more like self-knowledge."
43 years A scholar turned entertainer, Louis the Magnificent chases fame and glory, singing songs of corruption and deceit. However his notes strike a bad chord with the Topas Officials. And trying to avoid his enemies, Louis moves from town to town. His travels brought him once again to Askarin where he decides to pay an old friend a life changing visit.
Lukas Xaver "Insane?! Well if it means I need to turn insane to catch him, it's worth a shot."
51 years Lukas Xaver is the Marshal of the Askarin Guard. He has fought many battles, butthis one is really wearing on him. His quest to find a vigilante called Fox has been fruitless. He doesn't sleep, doesn't eat and sees things that no man can explain. However the true question remains if what's happening to him is what it seems to be.
The Fox "Maybe the reason I want to improve the world is not because it would be better for them but because I want to look at it with less shame."
No one really knows who the Fox is, or what he's out to accomplish. A wannabee hero who's armed with speed and the cloak of night, the Fox brings justice to the unabled.However Fox has ruined more lifes than he has saved and with each wrong move the Askarin Guard gains another ally to bring him down for good.
Ector de Loas "The beauty of being a Duke is that you can always hang someone else for your mistakes."
Ector is the Duke of Topas. He has ruledTopas ever since the death of his brother and has done so with a bit controversy. Ector has many supporters and those who are against him don't dare to speak out. Above all Ector's quest is to finish his brother's work to clean Topas of all magic.
Minor Cast (only names)
Alfred Martilles Aragne Argaes Drol Facebasher Flint Vaal Jacob Adriac Minister Manter Alfredo Orelia Argaes Paliant Vantar The Empty One The Keeper Veronica Martilles
I will not reveal too much of the stort instead I will try and give you some information on the setting:
Cry of the Fox is set in the world Averta. Averta has 5 major regions:
The Duchy of Topas The Principality of Pharion The Theocratie of Demenor Ryan Empire Darmorian Kingdom
Most of the game takes place in Topas, but we will visit the other regions too.
Writers: Sander -phi- Solistra
Spriters: Lunara Sevith
Artists: Gyrowolf //mitchi.exe
Databasers: Sander Smarthious
Eventers: Sander Prof. Meow Meow
Mappers: Sander Ryan A Ookie Panda
Vacant I am currently looking for a databaser. Someone who will help me handle the more difficults parts of the database. I'm looking for someone who: -Knows his/her way around the database. -Can think outside the box. -Has some previous RM experience. Application I want you to apply via PM. Send me a PM motivating why you want to help me with this project. Don't forget to tell me about previous experience and most importantly: ADD A SAMPLE. I cannot judge you without a sample of your work.
Famitsu Generator KGC/Mr. Anonymous: Various Scripts Yanfly: Various Scripts Mithran: Various Scripts Title Screen/Duke Ector Sprite: Blake Ezra Logo: Hanzo Kimura Windowskin: Aindra Sprite Recolours:Enelvon/Tatanya Flag design: Kalez Topic looks: Kalikya Proofreading: Solistra Milano Cat: Battlers Playtesting demo: Solistra Sevith Ookie Panda Gyrowolf Lunara The Original Wij Kalez Kalikya
Support this project by adding this to your signature. It is very very much appreciated.
*Note: This is the first real demo to my project. It provides around 30 minutes of gameplay and introduces some gameplay aspects. However I must note that the focus of the demo lies in the plot and the gameplay is mostly added to introduce the systems I'm going to be using. I plan on releasing a more balanced demo later on. The database isn't that balanced and therefor the battles can be quite frustrating. I'm going to review the database soon with someone who actually knows how to do that. In any way I hope you enjoy it and forgive me for any type of frustrations the playthrough of this demo might cause.
This post has been edited by Sander: Sep 9 2010, 02:01 PM
This thread belongs to the Writer's Workshop as suggested by Shurite. You (Sanderf90) are currently focusing on the story aspect of your project, you will get better feedback in the Writer's Workshop. Moreover, if you want to open a Project Thread please read the sticky rules first.
Wow... There is so much history here. I believe you could write a book with this. I wish I could write like this. You have my A seal of aproval. Can't wait for more. The only problem I see is that I don't know what direction your going in after the Fox or Toren is set free as you said.
Thank you, Toren will first have to flee because it isn't save for him around Askarin. He will escape together with alchemist who will escort him to Demenor where both of them are save.His father will revolt against the Guard and will be brought before The Seat and sentenced to execusion, Toren will try to set him free with the help of Demenorians. Topas will see this as an act of war...
You have a nice start here. The history is generally well thought out, which is something that I can't say to very many people. You have some good characters in this story, and they all seem for the most part believable. The problem with what you've presented so far is that it's almost entirely background. Getting this amount of background information into any kind of project can be difficult, especially if you want it to feel natural. Also, it seems like you've given some great thought to the politics of these realms, which makes me wonder: will politics play a significant role in this story? If so, you need to think through things even more thoroughly than you currently have. Build up the characters of the various politicians. You will want these conflicts to seem natural, which means that they can easily be seen from two points of view rather than your standard "good versus evil." It seems like you've done a good job of this so far, but I cannot stress enough how important this aspect can be when attempting to present a project that goes against the common grain. Also, if I were you, I'd want to flesh out the cultures of each of these realms more than has been presented. Each one should be (in my opinion) distinct, yet not following the commonly regarded ideals of these cultures (elves and dwarves are widely stereotyped).
And I'm sorry, but I have to comment on the title. You haven't mentioned anywhere (to my knowledge) that this is a working title, which means I have to say this: it's not a great title. It almost reeks of amateur. Your story is by far more interesting than what the title seems to convey to the average reader (or player). If I were you, I would reconsider the title in light of the rest of the story. Seeing as you haven't presented much in terms of what the actual story will be (most of what you've shown us here is background), I can't do much to recommend any titles for you. All I can do is tell you that this is one of the things that sticks out to me. Another thing that sticks out is the fact that you seem to have an ability for crafting this world, but you fall short when presenting it.
So, you may want to know "how so?" Honestly, and this may just be my opinion, but it needs to be presented in a more professional fashion. Your story so far is riddled with grammar and spelling errors, which wouldn't be so terrible if you weren't trying to present something with this much thought put into it.
But in any case, that's about all of the input that I have for you so far. Perhaps with more revealed in terms of the story I can offer you more. I have to say, even though this may have sounded overly critical, I really do like what you have done so far. The reason that I'm nit-picking it a bit is because I believe it has more potential than most stories that I've seen in these types of communities. When I see something that I think has an opportunity to be great, I try to provide more critical input to the author.
So, with all that said, good luck with this. I'll keep checking on this topic to see if you've updated it.
The Cry of the Fox isn't a bad title by any means, though I have to say that I like the irony of Everlasting Paradise. Also, I'd be more than happy to proof anything that you want read (something I'm good at). You should be able to send me an e-mail, or at least a PM. I think this story sounds good so far, and I'd be glad to help in any way.
just to inform you that an extra chapter on the character of Kela is added.
Good to know. Also, just to let you know, I haven't been able to find the time to do much of anything on my own project let alone proof what you have here, but hopefully I'll have it done sometime this week.
sounds good, ive been reading through your blogspot...although it sounds great how many people actually visit blogspots? do you get many people visiting yours? I would start a blog...but I think im better off using this forum as a blog spot (updating a post on the 'Gameproduction' section...It just seems you get more publicity that way...)....
Well the Gamedev-blog is mostly for the people really interested in my game. People who want more info then the occasional update. The people who are for example interested in joining my game my have trouble basing their choice on one piece of text and want to know how I actually see the game, which is unclear in this topic.
ah ok, I just diddnt understand why people used them (id rather there was a blog on this forum actually...(like on your personel profile or something...nvm....) anyway I can understand why people would use blogs, more info and if they are desperate for the game anyway like I said...Ill be watching this game...