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> beyond the Void, Please comment I'm willing to accept all criticism
post Jan 30 2012, 02:45 AM
Post #1

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Type: Writer
Alignment: Chaotic Good

This is my first project so please send me as much criticism as possible

Intro: Well ever since I was in Kindergarden I had loved videogames, mainly RPG's such as Final fantasy 7 (which was my very first videogame btw) as the years rolled by I had decided that I wanted to make them myself Since I was always told I was good at story writing. So without any further ado I present Beyond the Void.

World: The world it's self is currently unnamed so I plan to fix that in a future update


Vyrel: Government: Theocracy

Capital: Sol Aria

Summary: Vyrel acts as one of the main starting points of the story since that's where a good bit of the first part takes place. The country does have a king but he usually takes a back seat to the his High-priest who makes a good majority of his decisions. The people who live there are generally good honest people with some exceptions of course. one thing though is that due to large amounts of (for lack of a better term) propaganda from the High-priest anyone born with the ability to use magic are seen as evil and persecuted against. despite this however the army and even the Knights (See section below) still use Anima (See section labeled Anima)

Knights: They act as the High-priests personal task force that usually take leadership roles in Vyrels army and guard those of high standing (such as the King, high ranking priests, ect)

Ivara: Government: Monarchy

Capital: Constantine city

Summary: Ivara some hundred years ago used to be an empire under the rule of the Emperor Alistair who is believed to have used demonic powers to attain his lands and position. After having taken most of the world a hero had risen to stop him. Since Alistair's fall Ivara had given up a good portion of it's land and become a Monarchy. Since the war relations between Ivara and Vyrel have been tense (to say the least) and rumors had been rising among Vyrelan of plans for Ivara to retake their empire. Unlike Vyrel Ivara has no problems with magic users. in fact they hold positions of power all throught the kingdom.

Xen and Ishida: Capital: Xao mei city


Government: Split between two feudal systems

Summary: Xen and Ishida were formed by two different nomad clans but due to differences between the two and other issues what used to be one nation was split into two and are both locked in a civil war with one another over control of the entire nation. Xen currently is on the winning side controling a majority of the continent Leaving Ishida on a large island to the south. They both try to stay away from outside issues and only make contact wih the other nations through trade.

Writer's note: I decided to add these two countries mainly as a tribute to Japan since they were the ones who made most of the RPG's that inspired me to make my career choice and provide me with endless entertainment with their video games. Xen as you probably know was based off of china to add a nice little sub plot to make the game more interesting for both me and anyone else who plays it.

Anima is the main source of magic/power throughout the world. When a person dies with any form of magical abilities the magic seeps from their bodies into the ground and disperses into the air. eventually that energy mixes and condenses in the ground and sometimes in the sky forming a hardened crystal that contains bits of the power used to form it allowing the holder certain spells and abilities as long as it's in the holders possession. Anima can grant the holder any number of abilities from certain magic spells to an increase in certain abilities even allowing the user to pull powers from inside their own soul to unleash devastating attacks known as Overdrives

The Void: A realm usually described in old legends and stories as the original birthplace of anything that lives. It's also said to house Ishka (The creator deity of that world).

Plot summary:

The story revolves around Elden a young boy who grew up in a small town with his childhood friend. His Ambition is to become a Vyrelan Knight (Not really for the religious aspect of it) mainly so that he can help to protect the people he cares about (I know kinda generic but I actually wanted to put a bit of myself in him) He also hopes to find a way to change the Vyrelan publics minds about mages to show that they aren't really evil like the High-priest says. Having grown up without knowing real parents he was (in a way) adopted by the town blacksmith. Though he refuses to live with him the blacksmith acted as his (rather rough) father figure throughout his life while he's seen Arena as a little sister that he's looked out for since he was little. Eventually his life is changed drastically by unforeseen tragedy and betrayal.


Elden Saviro: Main character and classic ambitious youth. Never knowing his parents he grew up in the small village of Avira with His best friend Arena and his father figure Godan. He works as an assistant for Godan helping him forge weapons,armor, whatever is ordered along with delivering the goods to the towns they were ordered for. Life went well for him until he comes across a man wearing Ivaran armor. A strange meeting later turned catalyst that later leads him to finally pursue his dream of becoming a Vyrelan knight.

Personality: Elden has a sort of childish personality while at the same he acts as a big brother to Arena, protecting her whenever she's in trouble. even after tragedy he finds the courage to move on and not let those lost in his life hold him back from achieving all that they believed he could.

Arena Illuviana: Eldens childhood friend. She was born with the ability to manipulate wind. When she was five years old her power had killed both of her parents leaving her alone to wonder the city until she was found and adopted by a couple from Avira. when they brought her back she met Elden and they were friends ever since. Elden and Godan are the only people who know she's a mage. She helps Elden and Godan around the smithery and accompanies Elden on deliveries whenever he's called to do them.

Personality: Arena always had a happy and playful disposition though before she was adopted she rarely showed any emotion out of fear that her power would breakout but when she met Elden he had worked with her to help her control her power. Ever since she had only grown closer and happier with him.

Syro Vyrulde: A boy who has known nothing but loneliness and violence since he could remember. Elden and Arena met him on a delivery and Arena saw a bit of her past in him. He fights for his life everyday as he's constantly being hunted down by a gang called the reapers due to debts brought on by his parents who died of illness making him their target.

Personality: A mixture of his tragic past and inability to get used to having friends to depend on has made him very dark and locked in. He tries not to talk much and when he does he insults Elden and Arenas bond. He has no trust for Elden or Arena no matter how hard they try.

Kain: Not much is known about Kain. He was seen in Avira before It was burned to the ground. He travels around Vyrel and Ivara searching for something. Him and Elden clash at several times throughout the game.

Personality: Kain acts as an opposite to Eldens personality. Elden being generally happy and talkative at times while He is silent very angry and brooding.


I hope you like it so far this is obviously a VERY early stage in my game. Not all of the characters are listed here of course because they haven't all been developed fully. I hope that people like it so far and I hope to have character art by the time I work on the second part.

This post has been edited by Tha BEATIN STICK!: Feb 1 2012, 03:45 PM
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post Feb 1 2012, 08:14 AM
Post #2

Ang Hari ng Metal ay hindi nagsusuklay
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Type: Artist
Alignment: Neutral Evil

You have a little formatting error on the "Nation's" part...

Yay! Congrats on the approval of this thread! :'3 I'm going to read all of this soon enough, and maybe soon you should throw in a few screenies of your progress to make your thread much more lovely to look at. Good luck!

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post Feb 1 2012, 11:40 AM
Post #3

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Type: Writer
Alignment: Chaotic Good

QUOTE (Erangot @ Feb 1 2012, 09:14 AM) *
You have a little formatting error on the "Nation's" part...

Yay! Congrats on the approval of this thread! :'3 I'm going to read all of this soon enough, and maybe soon you should throw in a few screenies of your progress to make your thread much more lovely to look at. Good luck!

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