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GoldLeo
post Apr 2 2012, 06:28 PM
Post #1



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Type: Artist
Alignment: Chaotic Evil




I noticed that despite my game's colorful environments and strong, optimistic female protagonist that the game's storyline can get a little dark at times, especially in regards to its villain. Thus, I decided to add comic relief. However, I'm not sure if these jokes are funny or not, and would like feedback. Here are some of the comedic moments in the game.


Phantom: Just out of curiosity, why are you still wearing that winter coat in the middle of the desert?
Autumn: Because I'm not wearing anything underneath it.
Phantom: My fault for asking.

Winter: I've set some explosives under the bridge, and they should go off... Now!
(Beat)
Winter: (ahem) Now!
(Bomb goes off)
Winter: Ah, thar she blows.

Autumn: So are you doing this to stop her oppression or are you just out for revenge?
Valden: Boy, is that the million dollar question.
Autumn (To herself): What's a dollar?

(After the airship conveniently breaks down over the next location)
Sydney: Oh no! It's the plot!

Sydney: What does the radar say about its power level?
Phantom: Do we even have a fourth wall anymore?


Thoughts?
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Kaimi
post Apr 3 2012, 10:21 AM
Post #2


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Type: Writer
Alignment: Lawful Good




1st and 2nd should be somewhat rewritten as they're not funny, at least to me (please also consider that I not natively speak English, so every nationality has different kind of sense of humour), yet 3rd and 4th are really funny! I don't quite understand the "fourth wall" thing that I read from time to time on various questions, so if you wouldn't mind explaining that term to me, please...


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Cass
post Apr 3 2012, 11:54 AM
Post #3


*Insert something slightly wise and satirical*
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Type: Writer
Alignment: True Neutral




I believe that one of the factors that contribute to the humour of a gag or joke is the character that is producing it. All these scenarios could be quite hilarious depending on from whom the joke
comes from. It also depends on the demeanor of the scene, which can either invoke certain responses in the player.

I will say, to be very honest, I found none of these incredibly humorous off the bat. That being said, I feel as though
they are fairly well written. Depending on the overall theme of the game, I might say that the 3rd and 4th are sort of
pushing it, and might break the immersion in an otherwise serious plot. This is especially in the case of the fourth, while
the third could work well if it was an off-occurrence.

In the third, I'm not sure what the 'punchline' is meant to be. Is it that the bomb fails to go off when Winter indicates as such, or is it that she/he says "Ah, thar she blows" afterwards? I mean, I understand that you're using a play on words (blows as in kaboom) but there's little else to it. Unless the bridge or the situation involved whales (which could pass off as a play on words) I can't really describe it as being humorous. Of course, that's just the dialogue by itself. If this is an out of character moment for Winter, or the atmosphere of the scene so far has been morbid or dreary, it could very well be a comedic moment.

Anyway, that's just my personal opinion. A person's sense of humour is relative - I'm in no way right in what I said, so you're
best to collect some more opinions before you make a judgment. I do hope I haven't come off as rude, as that certainly
wasn't an intention of mine.

Toodle-bye!


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shinraSOLDIER77
post Apr 3 2012, 03:26 PM
Post #4



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Type: Designer
Alignment: Unaligned




the first two was kinda ehh, the 3rd and forth one made me chuckle, but that last one was just hilarious. as they stand out alone their alright, but I think it also depends on the situation and timing when you present these comedic reliefs, the first two may be funnier if I knew the characters themselves and know what situation the have been through and are current;y in. Just depends on how you role them out to have an effective gag. But that's what I think anyway.


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GoldLeo
post Apr 3 2012, 09:50 PM
Post #5



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Type: Artist
Alignment: Chaotic Evil




Evidently I need work. Anyway, here's some clarification:

First one- This was intended as a lampshade on the fact that the main character wears the same outfit throughout the entire game- In this case, thick winter clothing.

Second one- Winter is sort of that one antagonist who you keep running into. If you've ever played a Pokemon game, the best way to describe him is more competent than Team Rocket but not as effective as Team Galactic.

Third One- This occurs at the end of a conversation with some character development on some of the main characters. Valden's revelation in particular is tense, so I threw this in to lighten the mood a little.

The fourth one I don't think needs explanation.

The fifth one- In response to the question of what fourth wall meant, a fourth wall joke is when the characters acknowlegde the fact they're in a work of fiction.

Hope this helps, but yeah, those first two aren't very good.
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amerk
post Apr 4 2012, 12:23 PM
Post #6



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Type: Writer
Alignment: Unaligned




It's got to come off sounding natural, although I laughed at 3 the best. That said, don't force it just for the sake of adding humor, add it to help build the character in a humorous way.

Part of the problem with these is that there's no consistency to the humor. They all ask questions and respond in a sort of non-chalant way, so mix it up a bit. By the way, Phantom seems sort of like your laid back surfer dude, Autumn has her wit, and Winter likes to think she's good with tools, but not so much, and Valden's humor comes by relating things from his past. Here's a rewrite for you to consider and/or use if you want.

By the way, I couldn't think of a way to rewrite the 3rd one.


Phantom: So, dude, why are you still wearing them threads in the middle of the desert?
Autumn: Because I'm not wearing anything underneath it.
Phantom: Dude, really?
Autumn: No! I'm just trying... whatever. Can't explain sarcasm to somebody who still thinks the world was invented by smurfs.
Phantom: Yeah, smurfs, they're cool.
Valden: Yeah, I had a buddy that dressed up as a plastic bag one Halloween. He didn't have nothing underneath either. It didn't end very well for him when the cops picked him up.
Winter: Speaking of which, when's the last time any of us has taken a bath?


Winter: Prepared to be amazed! I've set some explosives under the bridge, and they should go off... Now!
Waiting, Waiting
Winter: (ahem) Now!
Waiting, Waiting
Autumn: Oh, yeah, I'm so amazed I can hardly contain the excitement.
Valden: Maybe you forgot the fuse or something? There was this time when a buddy and I were lighting fireworks-
Winter: Not interested right now, Valden, I'm trying to think here. Maybe I missed something.
Winter starts going back, when the bomb goes off.
Autumn: Yeah, so next time, how about you telling us before you set the bombs. That way we'll make sure not to be anywhere around you and your impeccable calculations.


Autumn: So are you doing this to stop her oppression or are you just out for revenge?
Valden: Boy, is that the million dollar question.
Autumn: (To herself): What's a dollar?


(After the airship conveniently breaks down over the next location)
Sydney: Oh no! It's the plot!
Autumn: Winter, were you tinkering around with the airship again?
Winter: No, it wasn't me! I swear!

Sydney: What does the radar say about its power level?
Autumn: Do we even have a fourth wall anymore?
Phantom: Ah, yeah, dude! We've got a fourth wall, and a third wall, and right over here, this is a wall, too. How else would we have a ceiling?


Edit: Sorry, I was thinking all these people were part of the group of heroes. But hopefully this still helps.

This post has been edited by amerkevicius: Apr 4 2012, 12:26 PM
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GoldLeo
post Apr 4 2012, 11:53 PM
Post #7



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Type: Artist
Alignment: Chaotic Evil




@amerkevicius
Those ideas are actually pretty good, and I switched some roles around to characters I think would work well. I'm suprised that the most popular one is the dollar bit.
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Xyphon
post Apr 5 2012, 12:08 AM
Post #8


I only have one gear: Go!
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Type: Designer
Alignment: Chaotic Evil




I don't get the third one. Everyone else says it's funny and it's really bothering me. Why is that funny? Does your game use a different kind of currency, or is the joke really what I think it is (just saying the character is stupid) and I just don't find it funny.


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GoldLeo
post Apr 5 2012, 12:41 AM
Post #9



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Type: Artist
Alignment: Chaotic Evil




QUOTE (Xyphon @ Apr 5 2012, 12:08 AM) *
I don't get the third one. Everyone else says it's funny and it's really bothering me. Why is that funny? Does your game use a different kind of currency, or is the joke really what I think it is (just saying the character is stupid) and I just don't find it funny.

It's the first reason.
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amerk
post Apr 5 2012, 05:12 AM
Post #10



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Type: Writer
Alignment: Unaligned




Most rpg's (fantasy especially) use coins as a currency instead of dollars. So the word "dollar" would be unknown.
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m4uesviecr
post Apr 5 2012, 12:30 PM
Post #11



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Type: Musician
Alignment: Neutral Good




Me personally, I thought the first, and definitely the second to last, were the funniest. The dollar one was funny too, after having explained it. (Since I was unsure if the game was modern or whatnot, I wasn't sure if the particular character themselves didn't know what a dollar was. Anyway, after finding the context, it was better).

For the revised jokes, it feels as if you have done this thing that a lot of young, rpg maker developers (me included) do with dialogue: Have people talk incessantly.

I thought every statement in your opening post was ten times funnier than the changes you made in your second posting of your jokes, simply because the dialogue was taking too long to get to the point. That, or the dialogue in between wasn't funny, and it killed the mood.

I think the concept should be to make the joke simple and sweet, and coherent with everything else going on. Picking on one of your comment edits:

Phantom: So, dude, why are you still wearing them threads in the middle of the desert? (I'm assuming the use of "them threads" instead of "those threads" is supposed to add humor to this line. Me personally, I'm not fond of it, since correct grammar, or at least accurate dialect representation of the character, plays a huge role in how effective any game can be. ANYWAY, ignoring all that, I don't think you really needed to word the question in this manner. The original way sounded like a more sincere question, which makes the blunt answer given by Autumn ten times funnier.)
Autumn: Because I'm not wearing anything underneath it.
Phantom: Dude, really?
Autumn: No! I'm just trying... whatever. Can't explain sarcasm to somebody who still thinks the world was invented by smurfs. (If the players didn't know what a dollar was, in assumption that this game is not set in the era when the smurfs were even created, how do they know what a smurf is?)
Phantom: Yeah, smurfs, they're cool. (<-- Pretty unnecessary filler to give Phantom as a response to Autumn's statement)
Valden: Yeah, I had a buddy that dressed up as a plastic bag one Halloween. He didn't have nothing underneath either. It didn't end very well for him when the cops picked him up. (Halloween? Cops?! Now I'm really confused. Is this set in modern times, like today? Because this entire statement pertains to the modern world, which it seems these characters aren't set in due to the dollar currency joke.)
Winter: Speaking of which, when's the last time any of us has taken a bath? (<- A one-liner that could have worked, if the dialogue was set up better. How does this pertain to the opening statement, or anything else leading to it?)

It's personal opinion I guess. But short and sweet is good. You want to be able to pack plenty of meaning into as few words as possible. Be witty!

An example for your first one (I attempted it, even though it's not good, but an idea).

Phantom: It's rather hot out here. Autumn, let me take your coat, you must be dying under there.
Autumn: For both our sakes, I'll have to decline.
Phantom: But the longer we walk, the hotter you'll get!
Autumn: You''d be twice as hot if you saw what was underneath.
Phantom: ... Try me.

Something where everyone is saying what needs to be said, instead of drawing it out. Think of when you're joking with your friends. Do they talk for five minutes to make a joke, or do they make quick, witty comments in the spur of the moment. Or if it is a gradual joke, like an insider that happens after repeated occurrences and what not, doesn't the context leading up to the joke make the joke funny?

I also loved Cass's statement: It all depends on who is saying it. So it has to be funny as well as cater to their personality, which is difficult to do!

I think you have a good amount to go on, and I think your idea for comic relief is nice. But, I personally don't think you should leave it to one character to be funny. I'm sure each of your characters has a comical side about them that could add to the dark parts of the game. Comic relief is good, when it isn't from the same person. You're always going to have someone in the group that is funnier than everyone else, but you don't want the character to become predictable.

This post has been edited by m4uesviecr: Apr 5 2012, 12:31 PM


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shinraSOLDIER77
post Apr 5 2012, 03:23 PM
Post #12



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Type: Designer
Alignment: Unaligned




QUOTE (GoldLeo @ Apr 3 2012, 04:50 PM) *
Evidently I need work. Anyway, here's some clarification:

First one- This was intended as a lampshade on the fact that the main character wears the same outfit throughout the entire game- In this case, thick winter clothing.

Second one- Winter is sort of that one antagonist who you keep running into. If you've ever played a Pokemon game, the best way to describe him is more competent than Team Rocket but not as effective as Team Galactic.

Third One- This occurs at the end of a conversation with some character development on some of the main characters. Valden's revelation in particular is tense, so I threw this in to lighten the mood a little.

The fourth one I don't think needs explanation.

The fifth one- In response to the question of what fourth wall meant, a fourth wall joke is when the characters acknowlegde the fact they're in a work of fiction.

Hope this helps, but yeah, those first two aren't very good.


Now that you given the situations, I can see how these would be effective. I assume the the first joke occurs halfway or 3/4'ths the way through your game. If you pulled it out in the beginning, It wouldn't have the same effect because you just meet the character. though I find the second one to be a little unnecessary, but thats only my thoughts. the other's ones are fine and perfect the way they are, to me anyways.

QUOTE (m4uesviecr @ Apr 5 2012, 07:30 AM) *
For the revised jokes, it feels as if you have done this thing that a lot of young, rpg maker developers (me included) do with dialogue: Have people talk incessantly.


Just too clarify, but I think you might have misunderstood the revised jokes. Those were posted by another guy and giving examples of how he would have done it better, it wasn't the OP's revision of the jokes. If you already knew this then I apologize, it just seemed you misunderstood who wrote that post.

but i agree, I found the original to be better just because it was just a small event that didn't make the joke too long. but like I said earlier it depends on the situations these jokes are made.


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m4uesviecr
post Apr 5 2012, 08:44 PM
Post #13



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Type: Musician
Alignment: Neutral Good




*facedesk*

Sorry about that. I should try reading more often.


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amerk
post Apr 6 2012, 04:28 AM
Post #14



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Type: Writer
Alignment: Unaligned




No prob, I was just throwing out ideas to help build different character personality traits, but those were on the spur of the moment. I think what everybody else said will hold true. It will depend on the nature of the jokes, and how they are presented.

Example:
I wouldn't want to see our character making jokes in an extremely tense situation, unless that character had a habit of making light of situations for his own benefit. Otherwise, the joke may feel forced and wooden.

But the idea behind this thread (I think) is whether or not humor (if told well) can be added to a not-so-humorous rpg, and I will have to say yes. While comedy rpg's are all about jokes and parodies, and darker themed games are meant to be more serious, there is no reason the two cannot cross paths with one another.

Edit:

As for my revision for the first joke, the comment about taking a bath would pertain to the fact that nobody ever changes their clothes in an rpg, hinted by what Phantom was asking.

But this shows that everybody has their own taste, and again, it's all dependent upon the situation at hand.

This post has been edited by amerkevicius: Apr 6 2012, 04:31 AM
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